Understanding a Man’s Emotional Needs: What Jason Tuttle’s Grief Commandments Taught Me About Feeling, Healing, and Holding Space

Because telling a man to “open up” without making it safe to do so is just another form of emotional abandonment.

Let me say it loud: understanding a man’s emotional needs means realizing just how deeply society conditions men to die quietly - not physically, but emotionally. They’re told to tough it out, not talk it out. To bury their grief, shut down their feelings, and survive in silence.

They’re told to handle it.

To move on.

To man up.

And then someone like Jason Tuttle walks into your life and says, “Nope. Not doing that. I’m going to feel this.”

Jason is a husband. A teacher. A father. And in 2022, he lost his son.

But instead of swallowing his grief like society told him to, he wrote down what it was teaching him. And what came out wasn’t some polished 5-step healing plan. It was brutal, beautiful, human truth.

He calls them The Male Grief Commandments.

And after talking to him, let me tell you something...these commandments he created aren’t just for grieving dads.

They’re for every man who's been told he’s not allowed to feel.

Why Men Aren’t Stoic - They’re Emotionally Shut Down and Starving for Safety

Jason didn’t write these commandments to look strong. He wrote them because he was barely holding on. And that’s what people miss: emotionally shut down men aren’t broken, they’re starved of emotional safety. They’ve been denied the space to be vulnerable without being shamed for it.

And what struck me the most? How universal it all felt.

Because grief isn’t always about death. Sometimes it’s about:

• The dream that didn’t happen.

• The dad who never showed up.

• The marriage that’s hanging by a thread.

• The shame men carry but never say out loud.

Jason gave language to all of that.

The Male Grief Commandments: A Survival Guide to Understanding a Man’s Emotional Needs

Now, I'm not going to list them all word-for-word (go listen to the episode if you want the full breakdown), but here’s what I will say:

Each of these commandments is about understanding a man’s emotional needs during grief, yes, but also in everyday life. Because if men aren’t given a safe space to feel, they’ll turn their pain inward, or worse, against the people they love.

These "rules" are actually permission slips.

They say:

• You’re allowed to break down.

• You’re allowed to not have the words.

• You’re allowed to not be the rock.

• You’re allowed to hurt in ways you don’t even understand yet.

And here’s the thing: following them doesn’t make you weak, it makes you human.

Every Man Deserves Emotional Support, But Most Don’t Know How to Ask for It

As a woman, as a coach, as someone who’s spent her life watching people numb themselves to avoid feeling… I’ll say this:

I’ve seen it too many times where men want to connect but don’t know how to ask for help. And partners who mean well, but don’t understand how to support a man emotionally without trying to fix him.

That’s why emotional safety has to come first. Not advice. Not solutions. Just space.

I wish every man would write their own grief commandments before life forces them to.

Because the emotional shutdown isn’t just hurting them, it’s also bleeding into their marriages.

It’s confusing their kids.

It’s sabotaging their healing.

We tell men to be providers, protectors, and problem-solvers. But we never teach them how to sit in a storm and just feel.

Jason's story proves this: When a man is finally given permission to grieve out loud, he doesn't crumble. He connects.

To himself. To his wife. To his humanity.

Emotional Safety in Relationships: How to Help a Man Feel Without Fixing or Judging

You know I don’t do fluff, and I definitely don’t do "just communicate more" advice (because then we all think talking more will answer our problems).

I dive deeper to get to what REAL emotional connection and comunication looks like.

And to be very clear...

This is what real communication looks like.

This is the deep emotional work that breaks generational silence.

This is how we actually get men to open up

• by listening without judgment

• by making space for the uncomfortable raw emotions

• by understanding that grief doesn't always wear a casket

  
  

So if you're in a relationship with a man who seems numb or unreachable…He might not be cold. He might just be grieving something he doesn’t have the words for.

If you want to be in a real relationship, not a performative one, then learn to recognize when your partner is grieving something he never got to express. Grief and masculinity are more connected than most people realize.

And holding space for a man isn’t about coddling. It's finally giving him permission to be human.

Jason’s commandments give him a starting point, so give your man the space to find his own starting point.

Final Thoughts on Grief, Masculinity, and Holding Space for Men to Feel

I brought Jason Tuttle on my podcast thinking we were going to talk about grief.

We did.

But we also talked about:

• Emotion

• Masculinity

• Love

• Loss

• Marriage

• Silence

• Rage

• Survival

And I walked away knowing this:

The world doesn’t need more emotionally shut-down men.

It needs more men who write their own damn commandments - and stop pretending they’re fine when they’re bleeding inside.

So if you’re carrying unspoken grief?

You don’t need to “man up.”You need to open up.

And if you don’t know how?

Start here. Start by feeling.

And if you’re with someone who seems emotionally distant?

Then get your head out of your ass,

stop making their pain about your insecurities, and learn to hold space without demanding a performance.

and if you want to:

🎧 Listen to the full episode: The Male Grief Commandments with Jason Tuttle

📺 Available now on Real & Raw Relationships Unfiltered🔗 https://youtu.be/uiGnKF9pYcI

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